GERMANY MAKES ARGENTINEANS CRY, TOO!

See? I told you that Messi guy was no good. You give him the broad side of a barn and he MIGHT hit it, but apparently not with a bunch of Germans standing anywhere near it. Why? It's not because Germans are scary... the real reason, the sole truth of the matter, the root cause of it, is that LIONEL MESSI IS CRAP!

Which is what I've been saying all along. The sky-high free kick simply proves it.

That's right peeps, GERMANY has finally won the World Cup. This brings their total to 4, and ties them for second place with Italy behind (cough-cough) BRASIL.

GRR-MANY 1, MESSI'S SCAPEGOATS 0
The game was scoreless up to the 112-minute mark. On a relatively harmless looking play, André Schürrle crossed for Mario Götze, who bounced the ball off his chest and one-timed it as it fell, sending it into the far side of the net just inside the post. Did I mention that Götze was a substitute for Germany in this match?

Götze proves to his manager that he's better than Messi. But then, who isn't?

It was a BEAUTY. Mario Götze made it look easy, but don't let appearances deceive you: it was pure skill that finished that lovely cross. And Argentina's keeper is no slouch (unlike their number 10 guy).

Argentina tried to pour it on immediately after, threatening the Germans on a few occasions thereafter, but it was all for naught when Lionel Messy (that's right, I said MESSY) blew what was quite possibly their best chance on a free kick by attempting to kick the ball back to his home in Argentina.

Hey Messi, the net's about a kilometer lower; thanks for coming out.

I shouldn't give Messi too hard a ride (it's all in jest, of course). The truth of the matter is that aside from Messi, Argentina lacked the quality from the rest of their team to adequately finish the meager chances they were able to manufacture. The Germans were just too good, too precise, and too deep.

The stats don't lie; the right team won this one.

Congratulations to GERMANY and all their fans. It's been a long time coming.


THE FINAL STANDINGS
First, a little explanation on bonus points.

Prior to the first match of the World Cup, you all submitted a prediction of which two teams would meet in the final, along with the result.

Bonus points are awarded as follows: 3 point for each team you picked, 1 point for the result (eg. USA to win, or BRASIL to lose), and 1 point for accurately predicting goals scored for each team.

As an example, DF forecasted:

ESP 2, GER 1

DF gets 3 points for correctly predicting Germany to be in the final match. He also gets a point for predicting that Germany would score 1 goal in the final match. But alas, he predicted Germany would lose. And he also missed out on correctly predicting Germany's opponent.

TOTAL POINTS FOR DF: 3+1=4

I commend SS for his reasonably accurate forecast of:

GER 2, ARG 1

SS receives 3 points for each team predicted, plus an additional 1 point for picking Germany to win. But he did not predict the correct number of goals for either side.

TOTAL POINTS FOR SS: 3+3+1=7

Now, since SS correctly predicted the two opponents right from the get-go, he had an opportunity. As the tournament went on, he may have seen things from both teams that could have swayed him to choose a DIFFERENT final result with his last pick. Maybe he thought Germany was just too hot for Argentina to handle. In that case, he could have picked GER 5, ARG 0.

Or maybe he thought German legs were too tired after bushwhacking the Brasilians. In that case, he could have picked ARG 3, GER 1.

In either case, his original forecast still stands. Because he was eerily prescient, he had the opportunity to double up by maintaining belief in his original forecast, or hedge his bet by reversing the outcome if he so chose. He is not obligated to choose now as he chose before the tournament began.

He ended up toeing the line.

Regardless, he didn't win. He came second.

The winner was AS.

The GERMANS WIN, AGAIN.

Here are the final results, with bonus points in parentheses:

AS		128 (4)			SS		125 (7)			JS		122 (0)
TM		122 (4)			SR		121 (0)			TC		121 (3)
BW		108 (0)			PS		103 (4)			DF		100 (4)

Congratulations to AS and SS for taking 1st and 2nd place respectively. You have earned the respect and admiration of your peers, not to mention prizes in the amounts of $76.50 and $51.00.

Congratulations also to JS for taking 1st place at the conclusion of the Group Stage. He has earned half of his entry back! Don't spend it all in one place.

And congratulations and a hearty thank you to all for taking part! Without you, of course, this pool would not exist.

Now, let us all look forward to EURO 2016, when IRELAND will re-establish itself as a MAJOR POWER by kicking some GER... errr, did I say IRELAND? I meant BELGIUM.

I'm bullish on BELGIUM.

See y'all in two years!

BRASIL NUTS

Or is that: BRASIL, NUTS!!! Yeah. That's not a question.

The Dutch dominated the hosts, and BRASIL didn't even find the back of the net in an ORANGE ROUT. It ended with jack-squat for the hosts, and 3-0 for the Netherlands.

'BOOYAH, BITCHES!' Robin van Persie shows the Brazilians how they kick it in the Low Country.

But who cares, right? It was only for third place, and history has a way of remembering only those teams that WIN. And on that note...

GERMANY 2, ARGH-ENTINA 1
That Messi guy might pot one, or maybe one of his more skilled team-mates will get it. Regardless, there is nothing that can top GERMAN precision. One goal is not enough for the Argentineans to defeat destiny.

Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise. And Germans.

Final standings will be posted TONIGHT. My money's on JS. Oh wait, my money was on me, but I have faltered somewhat since Bob left my employ to chase down mites.

And there will be bonus points added for those who predicted teams to make it to the final. Obviously some of us may look to be out of the running, but it is oh so interesting because it is oh so close.

More in store tonight, CIAO for now!

STOP... COFFEE TIME, or STOP COFFEE TIME?

BRASIL 2, NETHERLANDS/HOLLAND/LOWER-THAN-LOW COUNTRY 1
Brasil is pissed off. Their captain, Thiago Silva, is back. And hopefully they'll have learned their lesson against the mighty GERMAN ONSLAUGHT (really, there are quite a few more POWERFUL, very scary words to describe it, but I digress).

They'll have much better composure this time around and the Brasilians' talent and superior skill on the ball will overwhelm the Dutchies. Third place BELONGS to the host nation.

Either that OR the nightmares remain persistent, with an early goal by Holland putting the Brasilians back on the couch quivering.... But I have to believe Brasil will respond and give their people a tiny consolation prize. It's not first, but at least they'd be one of only two teams to go out of the World Cup with a win in their final match.

Gesundheit

"So Brasil will have a difficult go of it today." 

That's how I ended my post yesterday before Germany tagged Brazil with its WORST LOSS EVER in competition: 7-1. I suppose I have a talent for understatement.
 

Team Brasil, in happier times. 

Horrifying, shocking, humiliating were some of the words used to describe the massacre that took place. Little Brazilian boys cried. Grown men cried. Heck, just about every fan of Brasil regardless of gender was crying yesterday.

'Und PRESTO!' Mueller works his magic, scoring the first goal of the match while Julio César can only watch.

Germany were ruthlessly efficient with the ball. Brasil had good chances early, but they seemed to lack the poise the Germans displayed in abundance. Brazilian defender in place to thwart a shot? No problem, Germany had two other guys open and waiting for the pass. 

Brasil's apparent issues were defensive in nature (D'UH!!!), and Germany wasted no time in taking advantage. They stunned Brasil with their second goal, and then followed that second goal up with another 3 in the next 6 minutes to put the match completely out of reach. It was like hiding an Easter egg by eating eat. No way are the kids going to find that.

The under-rated André Schürrle celebrates his wicked-awesome, dirt-on-the-coffin, top-shelf goal that put Germany up 7-0.

'If the Earth could come up and swallow them, they'd be happy at the moment' went the in-game commentary by Peter Drury after Germany's 6th goal. And he was probably right.

Brasil hadn't lost a competitive match on home soil since the day before the 'Thrilla in Manila.' What? You don't know what that is? That's because it was in 1975 when Muhammad Ali met Joe Frazier for the heavyweight boxing title. But many of us don't have memories that go stretch back that far. Heck, I already have memories fading from the Leafs last playoff appearance.

'Jeebus Cripes, make it STOPPPPPPPPP!!'

But all of Brasil will remember yesterday, if for all the wrong reasons.


CHARLIE BROWN'S PICK OF THE DAY
If I recall correctly, good ol' Chuck Brown loved yelling out ARG! He MUST have been a fan of Argentina then, right? 

Oh, hold on. It seems Charlie Brown would more often than not cry out AUGH! or AAUGH! but not ARG, so I suppose the day will NOT belong to Lionel Messi and the gang. In fact, Lionel Messi will likely be the one yelling AAUGH! when the Orangemen put the boots to Argentina.

DUTCHIES 2, MESSI 1

Messi will bag a goal early, but the Dutchies will come back strong, putting Argentina where they belong; which is the match for third place. There, Argentina can make Brazilians truly miserable (at least the ones who are still paying attention) by kicking them into a 4th-place finish on their own soil.

So you heard it here. Argentina are the definitive favourites, but this guy says that Holland will finally avoid choking, missing players or not.

We're headed for an all-European World Cup Final... in Brasil.

Welcome to the SEMI-FINALS

Good day, and welcome to the semi-finals.

The Dutch needed a bit of luck to get past Costa Rica, but ultimately survived and made it to the next round. Ditto Germany, although they did themselves a huge favour by doing it during REGULATION. Danke, Deutschland!

Elsewhere, Messi continues to show how much of a true amateur he really is, relying on his team-mates to get his side past MIGHTY BELGIUM. Seriously, where would Argentina be if not for that guy, you know... what's-his-name, the one who scored that goal 8 minutes in? Ah well, you get the idea.

Brasil also escaped to the semi-finals, competing hard with Colombia in the most evenly-played match of the quarter-finals. Dubbed 'Battle: Coffee' by pundits (okay, really only by me), Brasil made it past Colombia without the need for extra-time, but also without one of their best players as Neymar will miss out on the rest of the World Cup due to an injury sustained when Juan Zuniga crashed into the Brazilian from behind with the ball nowhere in sight just minutes from time.

'If I'm going down, I'm taking as many of you bastards with me!'

The absence of Neymar could make things easier for Germany, as the young Brazilian superstar had scored 4 of his team's goals to this point in the World Cup. Of course, Brasil is loaded with one-name superstars, so now Germany will just have to plan around the rest of them. 

And that match takes place today, by the way, at 4:00 EDT... which brings me to my next point.

SEMI-SOLID QUASI-STATIONARY PICKS OF THE DAY
Sorry, that title is misleading. That should read 'PICK' of the day.

GERMANY 2, BRASIL 1
This is likely THE most anticipated match of the tournament, pitting the two nations with the most World Cups between them against each other. I don't know if Brasil is capable of going without a goal in this World Cup, so they'll likely get at least one. 

But Germany is a formidable TEAM, relying on no single player to score for them (Mueller, cough-cough, Mueller), so they'll likely get more than enough to beat the host nation and move on to the final. It certainly doesn't hurt them that Brasil will not only be without Neymar, but also their captain, Thiego Silva.


So Brasil will have a difficult go of it today.

BULLISH ON BELGIUM

TINTIN'S PICKS DU JOUR
NETHERLANDS 2, COSTA RICA 0
Los Ticos are in tough. They've surprised everyone up to this point, but this is one match they truly have no hope in winning. Expect Costa Rica to weather a Dutch attack competently in the early going, but ultimately succumb to superior skill and size. Costa Rica will be lucky to keep the score this low.

BELGIUM 2, LIONEL MESSI 1
I think a fair number of people are overlooking the Belgians, perhaps because of this image:

But I think that's going to work in Belgium's favour. It certainly isn't the smart choice, as NOBODY is favouring Belgium with the exception of yours truly.

And considering this 'Messi' (if that is his REAL name) fellow actually plays on a half-decent team, the Belgians have their work cut out for them. However, also consider also that Belgium has UNDERPERFORMED during this World Cup.

That's right. The Belgians are an attacking team, known more for their goal-scoring than their defensive approach. But that defensive approach has them through to the quarter-finals. So what if all their goals have come after the 70th minute, and mostly from substitutes?

It's all going to change today. Argentina will have difficulty scoring if their precocious number 10 fails to find the net, and their defense is suspect. Today, MESSI MEETS HIS MATCH.

Beer and waffles for the win. And chocolate, did I mention chocolate?

CLASH OF THE KAFO!!!

Here are my quick picks of the day as we get set to watch the two caffeinated giants of South America do battle in the quarter-finals. Brasil has been uninspiring, while Colombia has played exciting football.

Can Los Cafeteros take out the hosts without going to the double-double, the extra-extra, the extra-fine grind of the PK shootout?

In today's other matchup, France and Germany get set to renew acquaintances. Germany have played well on the attack, but have not scored as often as they would like.

I would argue the reverse for France, who have not been exceptional by any stretch of the imagination, but have scored by the bushel (the Ecuador match notwithstanding).

Can Les Bleus tough it out, sticking a sabot in the mighty German machine to make it to the semi-finals?
 
Have we seen the last of extra-time and PK shootouts? Will I ever get to sleep?

Without further ado, here are my...

ESPRESSO PICKS OF THE DAY
GERMANY 2, FRANCE 0
France may actually get lucky and score one here, but I doubt it. The Germans are consistent and persistent in their play, and as long as they fail to see any red in this match, they are a safe bet to advance to the next round. France will make a go of it, but will ultimately fail in their efforts.

It should be a great match.

COLOMBIA 2, BRASIL 1
Brasil just BEING Brasil means that they get a goal, but as anyone who watched their last match against Chile can attest, it wasn't necessarily the better team that won. Brasil can be had, and what better pick than a Colombian medium roast that plays bolder than at first glance? Okay, bad metaphor, but you get the idea.

Brasil is favoured, but this will be Colombia's day in the sun.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

DeLoreans are SOOOO fast...

I drove home in an odd-looking silver car with doors that open up, like wings. That was after 9pm yesterday and now it's past 11am the next morning. YOU do the math.

So there is WAY too much intrigue going on with these matches. So much extra time, so many late goals. Merci, France, for ending it ON TIME, yet still making it dramatic. THAT takes skill.

GERMANY 2, ALGERIA 1
And speaking of skill, Germany dominated possession, at one point limiting the Algerians to just 27% of time with the ball. Hey Germany, get a room!

Andre Schuerrle celebrates scoring Germany's first goal. It'll probably go down as the most under-appreciated of the tournament, a behind the back, off the heel shot that fooled the Algerian keeper who was just a touch slow to react as it deflected across the net and in. The Algerian keeper was the only reason his team was still in it to that point.

It ended a little closer than that (63:37), but Germany had 22 shots on target to just 7 for Algeria. And most of those shots for Algeria came in the extra mini-halves, which, incidentally, just so happens to be when all the goals were scored.

The Algerian keeper was fantastic. This match didn't go on for so long because Germany under-performed; their play was spot on. No, the only reason this match lasted so long was because number 23 for Algeria didn't want it to end.

Too close and too interesting for my tastes, but this is shaping up to be one heckuva tournament.

I wonder how Steve's doing this morning...

FRANCE 2, NIGERIA 0
They left it late, but Les Bleus scored a pair of quickies before the game could go into extra-extra time, saving us all some stress. The French know they don't get paid for overtime, but the extra energy expenditure required DOES tax the system somewhat. <crickets>

Nigeria, still getting used to what it looks like when the ball enters the net, admire a goal by Paul Pogba of France. Pogba scored on a header just before extra time in the second half.

Actually, this one should never have been in doubt. The fact that it went so late until France scored is more of an indictment of just how uneven France's play has been.

Come on France, you're getting on my nerves.

THE FORCE
I'm going off program, putting away the targeting computer. I'm relying on nothing more than whimsy and instinct to shove that proton torpedo into the exhaust port (don't say it) and blow the Death Star to smithereens.

We'll see just how the strong the FORCE is with this one, when today's outcomes match my...

JEDI PADAWAN PICKS OF THE DAY
THE SWISS 2, LIONEL MESSI 1

Does Argentina grow coffee? No? Do the Swiss make chocolate? Yes? Well it doesn't matter. The Swiss are taking this one regardless.

BELGIUM 2, APPLE PIE BOYS, 1
This outcome changes only if the USA scores early to put the Belgians on their heels. Otherwise, Belgium's defence will force the Yanks into overcommitting and making mistakes. These mistakes, cost them, they will. YES.

OPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!

SUPER QUICK PICKS OF THE DAY:

FRANCE and GERMANY will both kick butt today, but more importantly they will also kick at least two balls (ouch) into the opposition's net. Actually, GERMANY will probably head at least one of those balls, since they're so good at that sort of thing. NIGERIA and ALGERIA will be sent home crying.

FRANCE 2, NIGERIA 1
GRR!MANY 2, ALGERIA 0

More commmentary and updates on the standings this afternoon.

Stay tuned, kids!

COFFEE IN! CHILE AND PAC MAN, OUT!

BRASIL 1, CHILE 1
And Brasil takes it in the penalty shootout 3-2 on the strength of Toronto FC keeper,

Julio César, stopping the first two Chileans and then getting a little lucky as Gonzalo Jara hit the right post with Chile's last attempt.

César stops a penalty, one of two he stopped during the shootout. The shootout, by the way, is the absolute best way to decide who wins. They should just have them at the start of the match to save us all two hours of emotional jerking.

Chile almost won this in the last minute of extra time, with a crackler from Chile's Pinilla rattling the crossbar and bouncing back into play. Just a tiny bit lower, and that would have been it for the hosts.

I really don't know what's going on in this picture. Move along.

And it's a shame, since Chile plays an exciting game and deserved to go deeper. But, of course, deserve has nothing to do with it.

Unless you're thinking of the other match...

COLOMBIA 2, ROMPER-STOMPER-CHOMPERS 0

Uruguay, minus star chomper Suarez, were eliminated by Colombia in a relatively evenly played match. The difference in this game was surely the Colombian Ronaldo, James Rodriguez, who scored on a fantastic shot before scoring another off a beautifully executed tic-tac-toe play, putting the game out of reach for Uruguay.

James Rodriguez, another 10, scores Colombia's first goal. Here's the link.

This sets up what should be a terrific matchup in the Round of 8 between the Caffeine-Nations, as Colombia just won the right to play host Brasil.

And should Brasil decide to show up, it'll be a doozy.

OPA! SKEWERED PICKS OF THE DAY! OPA! OPA!

NETHERLANDS 2, MEXICO 0 

The immoveable object meets the unstoppable force, as the highest-scoring team from the Group Stage meets a team tied for fewest goals allowed. Despite Mexico's recent strong play, I believe the Oranje is right on target to continue on in this tournament, but it'll be tight! 

At least that's what she, oh nevermind...

GREECE 2, COSTA RICA 1

This one might go to penalties, and should be a tightly-contested match regardless of what shows as the final score. Costa Rica is favored by many, but I think the momentum is with the Greeks. 

And I want to say OPA! for at least one more round.

KAFO-POWER!!

Welcome to the Round of 16, aka the KNOCKOUT ROUND!

I won't waste much time discussing matches from Thursday. We all know what happened.

Germany held on with another beautiful goal from Thomas Mueller. Credit the Americans for a plucky performance who, despite losing 1-0, advance to the next round with extra thanks going to...

Thomas Mueller of Germany admires his teammate's, umm, beer gut, after scoring against the second most awesome team on the planet (number 1 is, of course, some guy named Messi).

Portugal! Portugal beat Ghana, as predicted, by a score of 2-1. Pretty Boy Cristiano Ronaldo scored the winner, salvaging pride for both himself and his country. Portugal was a sinking ship after being torpedoed by the Germans, and they took Ghana (who were short some of their better players) down with them.

This is how Ronaldo looks when he MISSES a shot. That's how AWESOME Ronaldo is. No sarcasm, reeeeeeally.

Belgium, despite playing a man short for a good chunk of the second half against Korea, managed to score WHILE shorthanded, handing Korea yet another loss and setting up a Round of 16 match up with the Ladies of Liberty... err, I mean, those awesome Americans. But they will be without Steven Defour, who was ejected late in the first half for deliberate foul play.

Steven Defour of Belgium tries to level the playing field for Korea by receiving a straight red card. Apparently the referee didn't take kindly to two-footed tackle, but I think it's really the Hello Kitty Tattoo he really disapproved of.

Algeria and Russia also played on Thursday. 1-1. Isn't that interesting?

ALL YOUR COFFEE ARE BELONG TO US
Coffee-exporting nations are powerful. We rely on them. We dare not risk offense, lest we lose in trade of this precious commodity. Think about it: what would YOU do without your daily jolt? The day will belong to the Caffeine-Nations.

BRASIL 2, CHILE 0
COLOMBIA 2, URUGUAY 1

Team Brasil. Hey, doesn't that guy on the top left play goal for Toronto FC? Why yes he does.

And what do the two LOSING teams on this fine day have in common? They produce ZIPPO coffee. That's right, they're both smaller, nations (size and population) and they are both situated too far south in South America to be able to produce ANY coffee.

I like Chile, I like how they play, but Brasil will prove to be too much to handle.

And Uruguay has struggled with Suarez; imagine how they'll play without him against one of the most exciting teams thus far?

Uruguay will be lost without their star chomp.., errr, player.

Throw the power of coffee into the mix, and it's game over.

As a final note, congratulations to J-S for winning the HALF AND HALF prize for leading the pool at the end of the Group Stage. It's still anybody's game.

Best of luck to all.

FRANCE EST 'LE SUCK'

I've little time to comment on yesterday's matches, but in France's case, I'll make an exception.

FRANCE 0, ECUADOR 0
FRANCE, YOU SUCK.

All matches yesterday went according to expectations with one notable exception. France, the highest scoring team through the first two matches of the Group Stage, met Ecuador, one of the lowest scoring and most importantly most AVERAGE teams in the tournament.

They met, exchanged pleasantries, and that's about it.

'Look at me, I'm number 5! And I can FLY!' said Number 5. Number 17 appeared non-plussed, put his nose up in the air and struck a pose. 'Big deal,' said he. 'I can dance, like THIS.'

Did I mention Ecuador was red-carded and played one man short for over 40 minutes of the second half? No? Sacre bleu! You'd think that'd make it pretty easy for France, a team that scored 5 against the Swiss.

But oh nooooooooooooooooooooo, they couldn't break down 10-man Ecuador despite dominant possession and ample opportunity.

IRAN even scored a goal yesterday. Nigeria put 2 goals past Argentina.

GO FRANCE! Just go, please. Merci.

LIONEL MESSI'S TEAM 3, NIGERIA 2
LIONEL MESSI was up 2-1 at the half, and then Argentina realised the folly of their ways in putting their hopes on a novice who relies on nothing but luck and playing against teams with gastrointestinal distress. Nigeria tied it up at 2 early in the second, and Messi was DONE.

Lionel Messi, who wears #10 because that's where he ranks on his team's depth chart, enjoys the spotlight while he can. We all know he wouldn't even qualify for Canada's team (mostly because he's not Canadian, but don't let that confuse the point that this guy is just plain terrible).

Argentina then played much better, relying on the immensely talented and underrated Marcos Rojo to put them up 3-2. And that is how it ended. Without the accident-waiting-to-happen that is Lionel Messi on the pitch, Argentina played with composure, and finished the Group Stage atop Group F.

Marcos Rojo celebrates yet another goal in his illustrious career, this one the game-winner against world soccer powerhouse, NIGERIA! Wait a second, he wears number 16? That can't be right...

Next up, Switzerland.

SWITZERLAND 3, HONDURAS 0
I know Honduras aren't exactly world-beaters (just Canada-beaters), but there was much to admire from the Swiss in yesterday's match. And most of it came from the boots of Xherdan Shaqiri, who scored on a wicked (sick, twisted, evil) shot for the first goal of the game. With that, Honduras was sick of the Swiss.

'Shhhhhhh! Can't you see I'm scoring over here??'

Shaqiri then scored another 2, outclassing the opposition and showing upstarts like that #10 guy from Argentina how it's done. Honduras was doomed from the start, the Swiss just rubbed it in.

Up next, LIONEL MESSI'S TEAM. !@#$% just got real.

BOSNIA/HERZEGOVINA 3, IRAN 1
Holy cow, Iran actually scored a goal. And even HOLIER COW, BOSNIA/HERZEGOVINA just scored 3! 

 

A Bosnia/Herzegovina fan reflects the excitement generated by her favourite team at the World Cup. Bosnia/Herzegovina allowed Iran to score a goal. Booooooo!

Woohoo, ay caramba... and who cares? Neither of these two sides was going anywhere but home. Better luck next time, NOT.

MASTERFUL QUICK-PIX OF THE DAY:
GERMANY 2, USA 1
PORTUGAL 2, GHANA 1
ALGERIA 1, RUSSIA 1
BELGIUM 3, KOREA 0

Admittedly, these last matches of the Group Stage can be tough to call, since teams already qualified for the next round have less to play for. For example, Germany and USA will both qualify for the knockout phase with a draw, maintaining their current relative standing in Group G. 

But Portugal needs to win, and win HUGE to compensate for the goals they allowed Germany to score against them in an earlier match, but they also have to hope the USA loses and scores very little. By the same token, Ghana needs to come up big and hope Germany blows the USA out of the water to have any hope of advancing.

Korea has little hope except for a miracle to beat Belgium, and unless that happens, Algeria qualifies with only a draw against the Russians. Russia has no choice but to win.

It's all so interesting, and ridiculously difficult to predict.

Bob? Are you there, Bob?

Korea is already eliminated

oooooOOOOOOoOOOOoooo-OPA!

URUGUAY 1, ITALY 0
I'm no fan of Italy's team, but in no way did they deserve the injustice that happened yesterday. They may have still deserved to lose, mind you, just not like that. A red card was issued for (what I would call) a yellow card offence. The culprit was Italy’s midfielder Claudio Marchisio, who clumsily made a studs-up tackle, but it was without malice and resulted in no harm. Unforunately this left Italy down a man for most of the second half, and they ultimately paid the price for that.


But what really has some people's knickers in a twist is Count Suarez and his chomp on Italy’s Giorgio Chiellini. Now THAT was a red card offence, and unfortunately an event that officials failed to witness. Uruguay's goal was scored moments after the non-call.

'Not quite Al Dente... I should stick to softer food.'

So Costa Rica wins the group, Uruguay move on (but may very well be ousted in their next match since Suarez will likely be suspended for exercising his chompers for yet a THIRD time), and Italy and England are BOTH out.

The world, she is topsy-turvy.


COSTA RICA 0, ENGLAND 0
The score says it all. A low-scoring match, but one competed by two skillful sides - one with skill and the other a surprising underdog full of pep and vinegar - and replete with end-to-end action, great passes, tackles, enthusiasm, controversy, and drama!

Croatia lost to France 2-1 in the semi-finals of the 1998 World Cup. Having already stunned Germany in the quarter-finals, Croatia then went on to beat the Dutch for third place, while France had their way with Brasil in the final 3-0, winning the World Cup for their first and only time.

As for Costa Rica and England yesterday?

'Dude! Can you do jumping jacks THIS high?'

 WHO CARES.

GREECE 2, IVORY COAST 1
All Ivory Coast had to do was hold on for the draw. Instead, incidental contact (barely noticeable on replays) sent Samaras to the pitch and the referee pointed to the SPOT. Samaras struck it well, and the keeper almost had it, but 2-1 was the final, and in extra time - that must really sting.

Georgios Samaras comforts Ivory Coast’s goalkeeper Boubacar Barry after eliminating Ivory Coast from the tournament with a penalty in the last few moments of extra time of the last match in the Group Stage where a draw was all Ivory Coast needed to advance. These two will undoubtedly go on to become best buds.

For Greece, this match represented a first. No, it wasn't the first time they scored more than once. Mind you, I have great difficulty recalling the last time they did. But no, it WAS the first time they have ever advanced out of the Group Stage, just as it would have been for Ivory Coast.

Now, say it with me... OPA!

COLOMBIA 4, JAPAN 1
Colombia turned on the afterburners, and Japan collapsed in the second half after playing Los Cafeteros close and holding a scoreline of 1-1 into past halftime. Japan just couldn't match Colombia man-for-man, and the end result was justified. No controversy in this one, the rankings held true.

THIS is why I'll miss Japan at the World Cup. Best fans, EVER.

Sayonara, Japan! Maybe next time.


MY LOST-WITHOUT-BOB PICKS OF THE DAY:
ARGENTINA 2, NIGERIA 0
BOSNIA/HERZEGOVINA 1, IRAN 0
SWITZERLAND 2, HONDURAS 0
FRANCE 3, ECUADOR 1

On the plus side, B/H and Iran are both OUT after today regardless of what happens in their match.

OOOOPA!

BOB PREDICTS 7 DAYS OF RAIN

Mwahaha.

Actually, I predict that. As I said yesterday, BOB is OUT.

Chile failed to show up to play the ORANJE, likely from a lack of pressure having already qualified from the Group Stage along with their opponents, the Netherlands, who took first place in Group B with the win.

Spain, in a case of too little, too late, whooped Australia. The Socceroos, absent Tim Cahill due to suspension, had no answer in the attack, failing to score in their last match at the World Cup as Spain trounced the Aussies 3-0.

Mexico continued its run of dominance by putting the nails in the coffin of Croatia by a score of 3-1. All 4 goals came late in the second half during a 10-minute flurry of, well, goal-scoring. I, for one, hope Mexico does well in the knock-out round, as they are an exciting team to watch. We'll see how they fare against the Dutchies.

Brasil over Cameroon, 4-1. I don't know what to say, since I didn't catch any of this game. Considering Cameroon was already out AND overmatched, I still think Brasil needs to kick it up a notch. BAMMM! Chile could give them a run; we'll see.

CAFFEINE-ADDLED PICKS OF THE DAY:
It's a much tougher round of matches today, with most of the teams playing still fighting for a spot in the knockout round. That is, except for, let me see, Colombia and... Costa Rica??

COSTA RICA 2, ENGLAND 1
(you watch, this'll be the day the English turn it around and win 2-1)

ITALY 1, URUGUAY 1
A win or draw puts Italy through to the next round. It's difficult to see them settle for anything less.


GREECE 2, IVORY COAST 1
(whoah, Greece scoring more than 1? This might be the trickiest one to call, but Greece needs to win if they have any hope of making it through... it'd also help them if Japan loses. Expect Ivory Coast to come out big in this one, as their fate is in their own hands).

COLOMBIA 2, JAPAN 1
Japan has to have better luck scoring than they've had so far, but Colombia is just too good for Japan to beat. But as with Greece, Japan will be going all out for the win, since a draw will send the Japanese packing. Should Japan lose, a Greek victory sees the Crazy Kabobs through to the next round. Los Cafeteros are already there.

Best of luck to all.

CIAO FOR NOW!

Zzzzzzzzz...

Too tired to comment on yesterday's matches, other than to say...

U-S-A!!! U-S-A!! U-S-eh???

Portugal tied it up in the last few seconds with a stunner to stay alive! Crazysauce!

Belgium turned it on late to beat a Russian squad that squandered most of its early chances, heading everything anywhere but on net!

And Algeria over Korea? Entertaining, to say the least. If only Korea had shown up for the first half!

BOB'S LAST PICKS!

It's official: Bob is retiring from the position of soccer pool guru. Even he can't take all of this uncertainty. I'm on my own from here on out.

SPAIN 2, AUSTRALIA 1
NETHERLANDS 2, CHILE 2
BRAZIL 3, CAMEROON 0
CROATIA 2, MEXICO 1

Yes, Bob says here that Mexico has to give up goals at some point, so why not to the high-flying Croatian team?

Standings to be updated this evening after more craziness through the day.

CIAO FOR NOW!

GRR, ARGH!

Ghana... really, Germany? The Yanks could handle them despite an injury to, arguably, their best striker, and you couldn't? Okay, the Americans were a tad lucky to escape that one with ANY points let alone all 3, but... REALLY, GERMANY??

GERMANY 2, GHANA 2
Ghana came to play on this day, making up for a disappointing loss to the USA with an exciting end-to-end match against the mighty German juggernaut. They not only managed to tie Germany, but they actually played with the lead after scoring 2 goals early in the second half to put the Germans on the ropes.

Super-sub Bastian Schweinsteiger battles in the mosh pit.

But it was never going to be easy, and Miroslav Klose tied it up at 2 with under 20 minutes to play with his first touch of the match, bringing his impressive tally of scoring in the World Cup to 15 (which ties a record by Brasil's Ronaldo). I won't commment on his somersault, which could've ended REALLY bad (I guess that was a comment in itself).
 

Ayew, the first goal-scorer of the match... (again, what is with these number 10 guys?)

... and Klose, the last goal-scorer of the match. Methinks he'd better be more careful with his celebrations.

Germany will admit to some sloppiness, with some uncharacteristic giveaways by Lahn standing out the most (one of which led to a goal). But credit Ghana for bringing the pressure to knock Germany off-kilter. And Ghana's first goal was a beauty.

'Twas by far one of the most entertaining matches so far (if just for the second half), and the epitome of just how unpredictable this tournament can be.

ARGENTINA 1, IRAN 0
Another sloppy victory for Argentina, as this Messi kid continues to stuff horseshoes up his ass. I don't know how else to explain it. I mean, did this unknown go on a Leprechaun hunt that morning? Throw salt over his shoulder? Does he have a 4-leaf clover surgically implanted in his chest? What is WITH this guy?

Argentina will reward this guy with a real pacifier, made of pure gold, should he ever score again. Unlikely, I say.

It's doubtful even this team of wanna-be players could lose to Iran, but they were fortunate to escape with the win. Most would've predicted an easy 3 points for the ARG-onauts (and most did), but this one had DRAW written all over it until second-half injury time.

And that's when this Messi guy queued it up, sending an incredibly accurate shot (a total fluke) which curled ever so slightly inside the far left post. Had the keeper not been picking his nose and instead paying attention to the play developing in front of him, he would've saved it EASILY.

Even Argentina's fans don't want to be recognised. Let me guess: Grumpy, Bashful, Sneezy, Doc, Happy, Dopey, and Sleepy. Am I right?

So, you know, Argentina got lucky.

NIGERIA 1, BOSNIA/HERZEGOVINA 0
You know, I just hoped Bosnia/Herzegovina would fail to make it out of the group stage just so I wouldn''t have to type the name again. Cripes, it's awkward.

Nigeria slammed Bosnia/Herzegovina's hopes into the dirt with a 1-0 win in Group F.

And it seems my hopes have materialised, with the first ever World Cup match victory of the Super Eagles putting Bosnia/Herzegovina out to pasture. I didn't see this one, but apparently it was pretty tight.

Now, Nigeria need only draw with Argentina to make it through to the next round.

BOB THE JUMPING SPIDER'S INSANE-ON-THE-MEMBRANE PICKS OF THE DAY:
Bob claims he foretold the Italian loss to Costa Rica, I say Bob's full of poop. Or mite-guts. Whatever. NOBODY saw that coming, but I think everyone's paying more attention to Los Ticos now.

BELGIUM 2, RUSSIA 0
KOREA 1, ALGERIA 1
PORTUGAL 1, USA 0


Bob likes Russia's chances, but I'm bullish on Belgium. Korea and Algeria have yet to impress, but the matchup today should be an entertaining one between two closely-matched teams. And I can't see Portugal not rebounding against the USA, despite missing Pepe and with Ronaldo rumoured to be at less than 100%.

PICKS AND GIGGLES

It's shaping up to be another busy day in the life of yours truly. For today, then, I shall post my picks and follow that up with an update this evening which will include the NEW STANDINGS!

Yeah, this guy probably knows who's going to win today, and that's why he's NOT in the pool.

 And the standings are ever-changing. We're pretty much at the halfway mark through the Group Stage, and there have been numerous occasions where someone who was last the day before shoots to the top of the list. Like the World Cup itself, one never knows who will finish on top (okay, there is ONE who knows, but he doesn't count).

BOB THE JUMPING SPIDER'S TERRIBLE PICKS OF THE DAY
ARGENTINA 2, IRAN 0
GERMANY 3, GHANA 0
BOSNIA/HERZEGOVINA 1, NIGERIA 0

Don't trust Bob; it'll cost you.

TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!!!

COFFEE-LAND 2, IVORY COAST 1
Los Cafeteros are on a roll! In a tightly-contested match, Colombia just managed to beat Ivory Coast. They are now guaranteed to advance and will likely finish atop Group C. The Elephants need only a win or a draw to advance but will need to win and to hope Japan beats Colombia if they still have an eye for top spot in the group.

An Ivory Coast defender pulls down his goalkeeper in an attempt to help Colombia score. Dude just wants to go home.

And speaking of Japan, I have to say they've been a touch disappointing. Since they co-hosted the event with Korea many moons ago, the moxie has gone missing. They can be entertaining at times, but the quality in the final third is notably lacking. Here's hoping they can find it, and make their group more interesting next time.

ENGLAND 2, URUGUAY 1
Yeah, yeah. I know that Uruguay won. I just wanted to see what it looked like.

The Maple Leafs of soccer kept it close. Once again the stats, in all categories but one, favoured English advancement but it seems the Three Lions are really TWO lions... and a groundhog.

Luis Suarez of Uruguay provided all his side would need, scoring a goal in each half to all but destroy England's hopes. And this from a guy who had knee surgery when, two months ago?

'Mistah Kott-ah, where ev-ah you aww.. Dis one's fa you!'

Since this result was pretty much foretold (except by Bob, that wretched arachnid) theres no shock value. Uruguay is a decent side (Costa Rica notwithstanding), and although England's fans would go insane if they even made it to the quarters, they are a realistic, if not resigned, lot.

It's a tough grouping to be in, and there's no shame in losing to Italy and Uruguay, two of the more consistently good teams on the planet.

Oh, and some guy named Rooney scored. Does that matter?

Best of luck next time, England. At least you put on a better show than Spain.

GREECE 0, JAPAN 0
Where'd the picture of that yawning baby go? Damn.

Greece played a good chunk of this one down a man, but it seems Japan never saw 300, well, until yesterday.

Now, imagine staring at the following image for the next two hours:

'...'

You'd go crazy. Better to inhale paint fumes while watching it dry.

But this match should have been better, would have been better, had Japan simply SCORED. They certainly had enough shots. But the Greeks put up a wall and persevered. You might even say the Greeks PAINTED the wall, and Japan inhaled the fumes while watching the paint dry.

By the end of the match, Japan were sad pandas, and Greece, despite knowing they need a miracle to advance out of the group, looked like this:

'Tonight, we dine IN HELL!!! Or Chuck-E-Cheese; anyone up for that?'

0-0, and that's all she wrote for these two.

BOB THE JUMPING SPIDER'S MAGICAL PICKS OF THE DAY:
ITALY 1, COSTA RICA 0
FRANCE 2, SWITZERLAND 1
ECUADOR 1, HONDURAS 0

I actually like Switzerland's chances, but if they plan on continually shooting from distance, France wins before the match even begins. Bob agrees.

HE'S ONLY A SPIDER, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

CHILE 2, SPAIN 0
Well, it's not the first time the defending champions have been knocked out early (salut France!), but Spain has done so while still ranked numero uno in the world. Still, Bob should've seen this coming.

Yesterday Chile took advantage of the opportunities they had and stuck it to the Spaniards, and in a match that looked closer than the final score, sent the defending champs packing to the tune of 2-0.

EVERYBODY SALSA!

Once again, the difference was EXECUTION. Chile displayed impressive skill with the ball when they needed to on their first goal, then caught Casillas flat-footed (and consequently a split-second behind the ball) on the second. Spain dominated in all categories except the most important - GOALS.
 
The result clinches advancement for both Holland and Chile, while sending the Socceroos and La Furia Roja to play in a meaningless match on June 23rd.

Now all that's left for this group is to determine who finishes first: will it be the CLOCKWORK ORANGE, or LA ROJA?

NETHERLANDS 3, AUSTRALIA 2
In a wonderfully entertaining match the Dutch once again emerged victorious, barely beating an Australian side that the tournament will miss for their energy and grit, if not for their 32 000+ fans who made the trip to Brasil.

Arjen Robben of the Netherlands does his best John Baird impersonation, refusing to let anyone else play with his ball unless they beat him in an arm-wresting match.

 The first Dutch goal had just finished replaying when Tim Cahill (who plays for New York Red Bulls of MLS) scored on a lovely volley to even the match at ones at the 21' mark. It was mostly back and forth the rest of the way, with the result a mostly deserved 3-2 for the big Orange Machine.

Now, can ORANGE conquer RED?

CROATIA 4, CAMEROOOOOOOOON, 0
Yesterday's final match saw the Blazers stay alive in Group A with a bit of a laugher, really, as Croatia put the boots to Cameroon by a final score of 4-0.

'Wait, stop running! You have a mosquito the size of Colombia on your back!'

'There, got it. You can thank me later.'

I suppose the early red card didn't help Cameroooooon's cause. An running elbow to the spine, really? Who did that Cameroon player think he was, Tito Santana? Lanny Poffo? The Junkyard Dawg? Alex Song? Oh wait, that is him.

Croatia now has their destiny well in hand, as a win in their remaining match against Mexico will see them through to the next round.

BOB'S FLUMMOXING PICKS OF THE DAY
COLOMBIA 2, IVORY COAST 1
ENGLAND 2, URUGUAY 1
GREECE 1, JAPAN 1

No way can England score 2 goals, I say. But Bob's been more prescient that I have, so I'm just GONNA GO WITH IT.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Though there might be one should Spain not rebound and soundly trounce Chile today.

Here's what Bob the Jumping Spider has to say on the matter, and on other things:

BOB THE JUMPING SPIDER'S PICKS OF THE DAY:
NETHERLANDS 3, AUSTRALIA 0
CROATIA 2, CAMEROON 1
SPAIN 1, CHILE 1

I'll have to reserve further commentary on yesterday's matches for tonight, as there is no rest for the wicked (nor for me, it seems).

Suffice it to say for now that I'm bullish on Belgium, Brasil has yet to step it up (although the Mexican goalie is most definitely a keeper <crickets>), and I'd hate to be the Russian keeper right about now, but especially yesterday when he scored on himself.

Best of luck to all with today's matches!

POST-POST TIDBIT: If I don't have picks for any given matches, I substitute nothing but zeroes. Yesterday, most of us would have done better

AND THE OSCAR GOES TO... THOMAS MUELLER OF GERMANY!

GERMANY 4, PORTUGAL 0
Like clockwork, the Germans dismantled the Portuguese team. This shouldn't have been unexpected, but to be fair, most would've picked a closer result (most did, some even picked a tie). 4-0 makes it seem like Germany had played Canada yesterday instead of the 4th ranked team in the world.

It was actually much closer than that. By the numbers, the stats sheet provides evidence for an evenly played match. The final score IN NO WAY reflects that, however, with Germany's execution the difference.

Realistically, I'd wager the result WOULD have been closer (though still in Germany's favour) had Portugal's Pepe not lost his composure at the embellishment displayed from Mueller after some incidental contact. The intitial play showed Pepe holding off Mueller while controlling the ball, with his hand coming into contact with Mueller's face. But the German went down like someone had used pepper spray STRAIGHT ONTO HIS EYEBALLS. Herr Mueller then changed his mind, thinking his jaw had been broken.

'What's the matter my German friend, did you get some custard stuck in your teeth?'

Pepe took exception to the play-acting and bent over to have a few words, perhaps discussing impending picnic plans for after the match, and lightly bumped foreheads with his German friend. The red card he received for 'head-butting' was a little harsh considering how light the contact was, and that he was probably going to bring egg custard-tarts to the spread. Mmm,custard-tarts.

Hilarity ensued. I lost track of what happened afterwards, but I don't think Portugal was happy about it. Especially this guy:

Afterward, Raul Meireles denies giving the finger to the official. He's right, he gave TWO of them.

It likely didn't change the outcome, but it certainly cemented it. Germany is one of the most tactical, skilled, and dominant teams in the air... and their execution is top notch.

IRAN 0, NIGERIA 0
BORRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNG!

NEXT! For the LOVE OF GOD, DOG, WHATEVER... NEXT!

USA 2, GHANA 1

USA! USA! I pity the fools who didn't pick the mighty Americans to emerge from at least yesterday's match. Ghana? Are you kidding me? Ghana has only outplayed the USA in every match in recent memory, booting the Yanks from the last two World Cups and despite a lower FIFA ranking, demonstrating that they ARE indeed the better team. What was I saying?

Nothing changed yesterday, as Clint Dempsey scored one of the fastest goals in World Cup history (29 seconds into the first half), staking the Stars and Stripes to an early 1-0 lead. But Ghana outplayed them the rest of the way, and probably would have won handily if they actually had any amount of skill in the final 1/3rd of the pitch.

Instead, a young substitute by the name of John Brooks Jr took advantage of an average corner kick, putting a bouncing header through a crowd and into the net. It wasn't anything spectacular, and considering that and the fact that it happened in the 86th minute - after the unrelenting domination imposed on the USA throughout the entire match - it was particularly heartbreaking for Ghana.

'What just hit me? The BALL? For realsies???'

Not for me though. I'd picked the USA 2-0. 

A NOTE ON MY PICKS!

My picks haven't been passing muster; they've been cutting the cheese.

So, for today I have consulted Bob the Jumping Spider. Names of teams involved in today's matches were written on separate POST-IT notes. Whichever teams Bob jumped on will most certainly emerge victorious!

Bob showed no preference for either Russia or Korea, but instead made a beeline for a clover mite that had crawled out from under the back door; THUS WE HAVE A TIE!

BOB THE JUMPING SPIDER'S PICKS OF THE DAY:

BELGIUM 3, ALGERIA 0

BRASIL 3, MEXICO 2

RUSSIA 1, KOREA REPUBLIC 1

BOB 1, CLOVER-MITES 0