AND THE OSCAR GOES TO... THOMAS MUELLER OF GERMANY!

GERMANY 4, PORTUGAL 0
Like clockwork, the Germans dismantled the Portuguese team. This shouldn't have been unexpected, but to be fair, most would've picked a closer result (most did, some even picked a tie). 4-0 makes it seem like Germany had played Canada yesterday instead of the 4th ranked team in the world.

It was actually much closer than that. By the numbers, the stats sheet provides evidence for an evenly played match. The final score IN NO WAY reflects that, however, with Germany's execution the difference.

Realistically, I'd wager the result WOULD have been closer (though still in Germany's favour) had Portugal's Pepe not lost his composure at the embellishment displayed from Mueller after some incidental contact. The intitial play showed Pepe holding off Mueller while controlling the ball, with his hand coming into contact with Mueller's face. But the German went down like someone had used pepper spray STRAIGHT ONTO HIS EYEBALLS. Herr Mueller then changed his mind, thinking his jaw had been broken.

'What's the matter my German friend, did you get some custard stuck in your teeth?'

Pepe took exception to the play-acting and bent over to have a few words, perhaps discussing impending picnic plans for after the match, and lightly bumped foreheads with his German friend. The red card he received for 'head-butting' was a little harsh considering how light the contact was, and that he was probably going to bring egg custard-tarts to the spread. Mmm,custard-tarts.

Hilarity ensued. I lost track of what happened afterwards, but I don't think Portugal was happy about it. Especially this guy:

Afterward, Raul Meireles denies giving the finger to the official. He's right, he gave TWO of them.

It likely didn't change the outcome, but it certainly cemented it. Germany is one of the most tactical, skilled, and dominant teams in the air... and their execution is top notch.

IRAN 0, NIGERIA 0
BORRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNG!

NEXT! For the LOVE OF GOD, DOG, WHATEVER... NEXT!

USA 2, GHANA 1

USA! USA! I pity the fools who didn't pick the mighty Americans to emerge from at least yesterday's match. Ghana? Are you kidding me? Ghana has only outplayed the USA in every match in recent memory, booting the Yanks from the last two World Cups and despite a lower FIFA ranking, demonstrating that they ARE indeed the better team. What was I saying?

Nothing changed yesterday, as Clint Dempsey scored one of the fastest goals in World Cup history (29 seconds into the first half), staking the Stars and Stripes to an early 1-0 lead. But Ghana outplayed them the rest of the way, and probably would have won handily if they actually had any amount of skill in the final 1/3rd of the pitch.

Instead, a young substitute by the name of John Brooks Jr took advantage of an average corner kick, putting a bouncing header through a crowd and into the net. It wasn't anything spectacular, and considering that and the fact that it happened in the 86th minute - after the unrelenting domination imposed on the USA throughout the entire match - it was particularly heartbreaking for Ghana.

'What just hit me? The BALL? For realsies???'

Not for me though. I'd picked the USA 2-0. 

A NOTE ON MY PICKS!

My picks haven't been passing muster; they've been cutting the cheese.

So, for today I have consulted Bob the Jumping Spider. Names of teams involved in today's matches were written on separate POST-IT notes. Whichever teams Bob jumped on will most certainly emerge victorious!

Bob showed no preference for either Russia or Korea, but instead made a beeline for a clover mite that had crawled out from under the back door; THUS WE HAVE A TIE!

BOB THE JUMPING SPIDER'S PICKS OF THE DAY:

BELGIUM 3, ALGERIA 0

BRASIL 3, MEXICO 2

RUSSIA 1, KOREA REPUBLIC 1

BOB 1, CLOVER-MITES 0