Hey there! It’s been awhile, but the fact that you’re
reading this can mean only one thing… INVASION.
Or not invasion, but another bloody big footie tournament.
Like the last EURO, where La Furia Roja went home with all the marbles. And the
last World Cup, where La Furia Roja also took home all the… ah nevermind.
It is what it is, and this time, you know it’s WORLD CUP
2014! In Brasil! Or… Brazil!
However you spell it, it’s the home of beaches, the Amazon
Rainforest, drug cartels, shantytowns, and Christ the Redeemer. It’s also the
world’s number one producer of coffee, or café, as they say in Brasil. The largest
country in the southern hemisphere (bigger than Australia, and not much smaller
than the good ol’ U.S. of A.), it’s also home to over 200 million people, most
of whom speak Portuguese.
 |
| Pray to this guy all you want; it's just not happening. |
More
importantly, it’s home to 200 million people who are going to be sorely dissappointed
when their national ‘futebol’ team fails again to win the World Cup.
That’s
right. I said it. Brasil, despite being the winner of more World Cups than any
other nation in existence, and despite being the number 2 ranked team on the
planet with the presence of Victor, Oscar, Fred, Neymar, and the HULK
(seriously, the HULK!) will choke on home soil. They’re chirping pretty for
now, but the Little Canaries will be singing a different tune when they get
bushwhacked by the least likely of underdogs.
That’s
right, Brasil, the Socceroos are coming for ya.
 |
| HOLY-DOOLY! WTF is this thing? A were-roo? |
Okay
maybe not the Socceroos. Most likely it’ll be the Germans.
But
until Brasil gets crushed by the German JUGGERNAUT, they’ll have a relatively
easy go of it, starting with the opener tomorrow.
FEARLESS
PREDICTIONS:
Final
Match: GERMANY 2, BELGIUM 1
Total
Goals Scored: 151 (a ridiculously high proportion of which will be scored by GRR-MANY)
Tomorrow:
BRASIL 3, FOOLISH OPPOSITION* 0
*seriously,
it doesn’t matter who plays Brasil in game 1; Croatia is TOAST
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