TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!!!

COFFEE-LAND 2, IVORY COAST 1
Los Cafeteros are on a roll! In a tightly-contested match, Colombia just managed to beat Ivory Coast. They are now guaranteed to advance and will likely finish atop Group C. The Elephants need only a win or a draw to advance but will need to win and to hope Japan beats Colombia if they still have an eye for top spot in the group.

An Ivory Coast defender pulls down his goalkeeper in an attempt to help Colombia score. Dude just wants to go home.

And speaking of Japan, I have to say they've been a touch disappointing. Since they co-hosted the event with Korea many moons ago, the moxie has gone missing. They can be entertaining at times, but the quality in the final third is notably lacking. Here's hoping they can find it, and make their group more interesting next time.

ENGLAND 2, URUGUAY 1
Yeah, yeah. I know that Uruguay won. I just wanted to see what it looked like.

The Maple Leafs of soccer kept it close. Once again the stats, in all categories but one, favoured English advancement but it seems the Three Lions are really TWO lions... and a groundhog.

Luis Suarez of Uruguay provided all his side would need, scoring a goal in each half to all but destroy England's hopes. And this from a guy who had knee surgery when, two months ago?

'Mistah Kott-ah, where ev-ah you aww.. Dis one's fa you!'

Since this result was pretty much foretold (except by Bob, that wretched arachnid) theres no shock value. Uruguay is a decent side (Costa Rica notwithstanding), and although England's fans would go insane if they even made it to the quarters, they are a realistic, if not resigned, lot.

It's a tough grouping to be in, and there's no shame in losing to Italy and Uruguay, two of the more consistently good teams on the planet.

Oh, and some guy named Rooney scored. Does that matter?

Best of luck next time, England. At least you put on a better show than Spain.

GREECE 0, JAPAN 0
Where'd the picture of that yawning baby go? Damn.

Greece played a good chunk of this one down a man, but it seems Japan never saw 300, well, until yesterday.

Now, imagine staring at the following image for the next two hours:

'...'

You'd go crazy. Better to inhale paint fumes while watching it dry.

But this match should have been better, would have been better, had Japan simply SCORED. They certainly had enough shots. But the Greeks put up a wall and persevered. You might even say the Greeks PAINTED the wall, and Japan inhaled the fumes while watching the paint dry.

By the end of the match, Japan were sad pandas, and Greece, despite knowing they need a miracle to advance out of the group, looked like this:

'Tonight, we dine IN HELL!!! Or Chuck-E-Cheese; anyone up for that?'

0-0, and that's all she wrote for these two.

BOB THE JUMPING SPIDER'S MAGICAL PICKS OF THE DAY:
ITALY 1, COSTA RICA 0
FRANCE 2, SWITZERLAND 1
ECUADOR 1, HONDURAS 0

I actually like Switzerland's chances, but if they plan on continually shooting from distance, France wins before the match even begins. Bob agrees.